Children, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be flooded with dumb status messages by men and women who are jobless. Who’s gonna do it? You? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for humor, and you curse the internet. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That humor’s death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives.
You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like ‘bhakti’, pop-culture, cricket and cinema. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent pretending something. You use them as a punchline.
I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to someone who rises and sleeps under the blanket of pseudo gyaan and humor (apparently) that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a PC, and write a post. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to.
Now that the niceties are over, I summon you to come along on a journey of faith, mindlessness and unadulterated humor, which I promise to provide. You got to keep the faith. This space is not for the non-believers. You have to BELIEVE!
Also, there a few conditions to be part of this elite and exclusive club. You have to believe in these seven tenets:
- Soldier (Bobby Deol and not Kurt Russel) is one of the greatest movies ever made.
- P.K. Mishra was the greatest Bolly-Pop philosopher ever born.
- We can make fun of Indian cricket team including Sachin Tendulkar. Yes, Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar, willow-waale. Nothing is sacred apart from Baba’s words.
- Archana Vijay is the best thing to happen to Indian cricket since Virat Kohli. Err…Shibani Dandedkar (sheepishly).
- Fake IPL player was the truth and had to be hushed up because of the higher powers (The four lettered monster)
- Anushka Sharma
- All rumors are true. Remember, you have to BELIEVE!
Hat Tip – A Few Good Men (1992), Rob Reiner